I bought myself pink boots today! This was not an impulse buy. These boots spoke to me the minute I saw them when they first showed up in the Sofia's store window. I am not one to wait when I like something, but something about pink boots made me say, hey, wait a second. Take time to think about this! Well there was a sale today and I had once heck of a resistance headache and wasn't getting work done anyway, so I headed out to the store.
As soon as I slipped them on I knew they passed the tingly, meant for me test~they felt great. As quickly as the excitement washed over me, doubt kicked in. Pink boots? A full on judgement battle ensued. Everything thing I thought I had totally released around judgement came up for me while sitting on the store couch. I thought, "This is crazy. Buy the dang boots and if you don't wear them, you don't wear them!"
When I got home and put them on their vibration was still amazing. They were too cute.
Later this afternoon I was channeling for the crystalline manual I'm writing and I heard- Be a Love Diva! Love others! Love Yourself! Love others like yourself! Then I looked up from my paper I was scribing on and saw the boots I was wearing to decide if I was keeping them. I burst out laughing. I guess pink boots are necessary for a Love Diva's wardrobe.
Well, I ran a full 5K today. I started it off with a wish and a prayer that I would be able to finish it running the whole way. For me, training from Couch to 5K was a real exercise on the power of the mind. Mine was not really geared toward being a runner. Each time I reached a milestone like running for 1.5 minutes at once, then 3, 8, 20 and then 30 just a few days before the race I was amazed by the power of the mind. I always wanted to quit and had to aggressively wrestle with my thoughts each time and tell myself that I could do it. Don't quit. Push through. I fought back equally aggressively with this is stupid, I'm not an athlete, what's the big deal if I stop. Today was no different. I hit the 2 mile mark and thought, You've got to be kidding me! Another mile! I knew I wasn't quitting today, but if it wasn't race day I may very well have stopped when it got tough. My daughter matched her pace somewhere on the track to match mine and my husband came by my side when I thought my legs wouldn't come off the earth again and reminded me that I was running up hill. Something clicked that it was going to get easier in a minute. If I was going uphill, a downhill moment was definitely in my future. This simple coaching moment from someone who had clarity and vision was just what I needed.
I'm amazed at how much easier it was to continue moving forward when someone was running at your pace, rooting for you, encouraging you, wanting you to reach your goal even though they could have run much faster and reached their personal best. I am surprised at what I accomplished today and it makes me wonder what other mental blocks I have that need to be kicked to the curb in 2016.
I never wanted to do a 5 K or run for that matter. My daughter thought that it would be a great mother-daughter thing to do, cross the finish line together. Woo hoo. I did not! I told her that I had no intentions of running the full race. I would support her dream and walk most of the event. After all, in the past , resistance was my middle name. It wasn't until a few days ago, when I ran a solid 30 minutes, that I thought that running the full race could be possible. In the end, I placed 111!
I am grateful I kept pushing myself one step at a time, and had support and gentle coaching from Blair and Kyla during the training, because Kyla was right, crossing the finish line together was a great, fun mother-daughter thing to do. Woo hoo!
December 16, 2015
I was out shopping at Harris Teeter today and as I was checking out, I heard a voice tell me to buy two $25 gift cards and give them to someone who looks like they need them. I thought...now how will I know who to give them to. As I finished checking out, I remembered an elderly man I had seen in the produce earlier. He was very hunched over and it looked like it was hard for him to shop. I left my cart of paid groceries in the aisle and walked around the store looking for him. I found him still in the produce. I walked over to him nervous that I might offend him and said, "Excuse me sir, can I give you a gift for Christmas?"
He looked at me with such warm eyes and said,"Are you kidding me?"
I said that I wasn't and wanted to give it to him as a gift. He pulled off his hat and said that I was going to make him cry. He had been inside all week crying because he just lost his mother on Thursday and he was out at the grocery store buying things to make pie for the funeral guest this weekend.
I had chills all over and knew that he was the one I was supposed to give the card to.
He asked, Who sent you?
I pointed up and said that was a long story.
This man said that he couldn't believe this was happening to him. He said, "In all my life I have never had anything like this happen to me. I am faithful and I help out at the shelter. Well, I'll be."
Then he said to me, "So you mean I can buy anything I want with this card. I can buy chicken or whatever I want?"
This broke me open.
I assured him that he could buy whatever he wanted.
He said, "My mother died on Thursday and before she had dementia she would help people with her cooking. Everyone is coming to my home and I am making pies for them."
I said, "Well I was told to buy two cards and I think the second one is for you too." And I handed him the two cards.
We both stood next to the onions with tears in our eyes.
He asked if I was an angel and I said no, "Just a good listener."
I left him in the produce where I first saw him, my insides shaking as I wanted to cry. You never know what someone is going through.
I came home and put my groceries away and saw the calendar on the door and looked up the date of last Thursday. It was Dec. 10th. The anniversary date of my son's death.
The flood gates opened.
I never intended to be out shopping today or to hand out gift cards. I am so glad that I listened. I plan on gifting many more this holiday season!
It has been over three weeks since experiencing my own Christmas story and I am still moved. I am struck by how I could be unaware of what others are going through on a deeper level. I have often noticed people in the grocery store painstakingly picking out their items or cashing out with only a few things in their cart. I have often thought that they must be on a fixed budget. What I didn't think about was the reality of food stamps and what that actually means. The elderly gentleman instantly schooled me on the deep, institutionalized conditioning of a life on food stamps. He brought it home to me that you never know what someone else is going through or how easy it is to lend a helping a hand. He left me with a craving to do more.
As a child who grew up in the Canadian welfare system to a single mother of eight children, it was full circle moment.